How To Tell The Kids You Are Getting Divorced
In this episode of The Divorce Recovery Show with Diane Valiquette, she tells us about when and how is the best time to tell your kids you are getting separated and divorced. She talks about how you can teach your kids what to do for the other parent when celebrating special days like mother’s day or father’s day when they are no longer under the same roof.
Don’t tell the kids until you actually have a plan. Until you know what you are doing about your house, where they are going to live, where the parents are going to live etc. The kids want to know how all this impacts their own lives. Will they be near or far, where will they go to school and everything else. Include them as much as possible when searching for new lodgings and other planning that will impact their own operations.
Never lie to your children. When they ask questions, tell them the truth. You can do this clearly and in an age appropriate manner without lying. Lying will come back and harm everyone’s relationship going into the future. What happened, why this was decided and who decided this. If they are asking, they already know. Stay open and clean without alienating or venting anger against the other parent. EVER! Always reassure that the other parent and you yourself will always love them regardless of your hurt or angry feelings about the situation and change.
How you handle your emotions demonstrates to the kids that they too can trust their own emotions. It is not the job of the child to manage the emotions of the parent. Telling the truth enforces the child to trust their intuition.
Diane is a professional divorce mediator and divorce coach practicing in Ottawa Canada. She offers a 12 relationship rebuilding workshop for individuals and couples who are thinking about, going through or finished the process of separation and divorce. You can find out more here at Rebuilding Relationships